[Editor's note: This post is the first in an experimental three-part series entitled "Blanneling - Channeling the Blog", where Klund attempts to channel the essence of a blogger found using the Next Blog link.]
Source: http://completerndmness.blogspot.com/
Yesterday my mom totally ragged on me about my geometry test. OMG! She said that if I don't get my grades up she is going to ground me from my computer. WHATEVER! I had the most amazing time this weekend on my camping trip. Bri and I called up Josh, and he had NO IDEA who was calling! YAYNESS!!! lol! We were up sooooo late talking! I am SOOO tired today - I almost fell asleep in history class. Gotta go do homework. adios!
Monday, September 20, 2004
Friday, September 17, 2004
My TV just told me
that the next "According to Jim", staring the living Belushi brother,
will be "funnier than you can conceive." Something tells me that
statement is probably true.
will be "funnier than you can conceive." Something tells me that
statement is probably true.
Movie Review: The Others
So, basically, Nicole Kidman's character was dead, her kids were dead
(because she smothered them with a pillow), and the servants were
dead. They were all dead, but Kidman didn't realize it. And the
"intruders" were living people who had moved into Kidman's house. I
guess that was the big twist ending. I kinda liked it.
*** WARNING *** This review contained SPOILERS.
(because she smothered them with a pillow), and the servants were
dead. They were all dead, but Kidman didn't realize it. And the
"intruders" were living people who had moved into Kidman's house. I
guess that was the big twist ending. I kinda liked it.
*** WARNING *** This review contained SPOILERS.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Understatement!
I think that, in pretty much any context, this quote is an
understatement:
It was unfortunate that his teeth hit my carotid artery.
Full story here.
BB700
With Barry Bonds about to become the fourth player in Major League Baseball history to hit 700 career home runs, I thought it would be an appropriate time to jot down an encounter we had a while back.
It was 1989, and Barry was in his second big league season, having established himself as the San Diego Padres rising star. I was in town attempting to close the Syverson account, and was invited to a party by Richard Frontiere (son of Georgia Frontiere, owner of the Padres). Richard was a good friend of mine from Baylor (go Huskies!).
Richard was also a friend of Padres manager Art Howe, and it happened that Art, Richard and I were at a table together. When Richard introduced Art to me, he asked if I would come and talk to Barry. "He's a good hitter, sure, but I think he could be better. Could you talk to him?" Of course I said that I would.
The next day I showed up at the Padres clubhouse at Camden Yards and was brought into the locker room. Barry and I chatted for a bit, and then we got down to business. He asked me what the secret was to hitting, and this is what I told him:
After that I left him in silence. I haven't seen or talked to him since that day. I did get a note three weeks later, after his first career three homer game (against the Blue Jays at Fenway). It said, "Thanks for the advice - you're the man. Every time I hit a home run I'm going to point to the sky. That's in honor of you - you're my Sky Pilot. -BB"
No, Barry, you're my Sky Pilot.
It was 1989, and Barry was in his second big league season, having established himself as the San Diego Padres rising star. I was in town attempting to close the Syverson account, and was invited to a party by Richard Frontiere (son of Georgia Frontiere, owner of the Padres). Richard was a good friend of mine from Baylor (go Huskies!).
Richard was also a friend of Padres manager Art Howe, and it happened that Art, Richard and I were at a table together. When Richard introduced Art to me, he asked if I would come and talk to Barry. "He's a good hitter, sure, but I think he could be better. Could you talk to him?" Of course I said that I would.
The next day I showed up at the Padres clubhouse at Camden Yards and was brought into the locker room. Barry and I chatted for a bit, and then we got down to business. He asked me what the secret was to hitting, and this is what I told him:
Barry, if you want to be a great hitter, you need to imagine that the baseball is like a beautiful woman. She's your girlfriend; your lover. You support her, provide for her, dedicate your life to her - she is your everything. You spend all of your waking hours making sure that she has all that she needs. And then you come home early from a road trip and find her in bed with your stupid, ugly, slack-jawed unemployed cousin. You get your mind around that, and you can be a special, special player.
After that I left him in silence. I haven't seen or talked to him since that day. I did get a note three weeks later, after his first career three homer game (against the Blue Jays at Fenway). It said, "Thanks for the advice - you're the man. Every time I hit a home run I'm going to point to the sky. That's in honor of you - you're my Sky Pilot. -BB"
No, Barry, you're my Sky Pilot.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
What do I do with these books?
OK, so Scooter sent me some books in the mail ... for my birthday. They're books by Tad Williams, who I know of because a friend of mine from high school used to play pick-up basketball with him. Whatever.
Anyway, I tried to read the first book in the series, got to about page 60, and had to refresh myself with Vonnegut. On the one hand, I was extremely bored. On the other hand, Scooter sent them to me, so they should be worth a read, right?
On the one hand, I couldn't imagine reading much more about this loser kid. On the other hand, if the books become fun, there's a heck of a lot of pages to keep me entertained.
So, is there a literary light at the end of this tunnel? Or do I just read Lord of the Rings again?
Anyway, I tried to read the first book in the series, got to about page 60, and had to refresh myself with Vonnegut. On the one hand, I was extremely bored. On the other hand, Scooter sent them to me, so they should be worth a read, right?
On the one hand, I couldn't imagine reading much more about this loser kid. On the other hand, if the books become fun, there's a heck of a lot of pages to keep me entertained.
So, is there a literary light at the end of this tunnel? Or do I just read Lord of the Rings again?
Monday, September 13, 2004
Sunday, September 12, 2004
A Momentous Day
Today is an anniversary. Well, actually it's two anniversaries in one. First of all, it's my birthday, the anniversary of the day I was foisted upon the unsuspecting world.
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, this is the fifteenth anniversary of the day I was bitten by a radioactive spider, changing me from mild mannered klund into ... Arachno-Guy! Now, I'll admit that I don't have the greatest costume, and my only super ability is that I can eat bugs without vomiting. And sure, I don't actually fight crime, or save babies or anything, but I probably could if I gave a damn.
So maybe it's not that big of an anniversary after all. Fine, bugger off!
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, this is the fifteenth anniversary of the day I was bitten by a radioactive spider, changing me from mild mannered klund into ... Arachno-Guy! Now, I'll admit that I don't have the greatest costume, and my only super ability is that I can eat bugs without vomiting. And sure, I don't actually fight crime, or save babies or anything, but I probably could if I gave a damn.
So maybe it's not that big of an anniversary after all. Fine, bugger off!
Saturday, September 11, 2004
This is why you can't trust polls
Ring! Ring!
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello, may I speak to Mr. Lund, please?
Me: Um, this is Mr. Lund.
Her: Hi, I'm calling from [unintelligible], would I be able to ask you a few questions?
Me: Oh, sure.
Her: Do you consider yourself a Republican or a Democrat?
Me: What do you consider yourself?
Her: Excuse me?
Me: Are you Republican or Democrat?
Her: I'm Independent.
Me: Then I'm Independent, too!
Her: OK. Do you support Howard Swenson or Ruth Johnson for State Representative?
Me: Which one is taller?
Her: Um...
Me: I bet Howard is taller. I'm for Howard What'sHisName.
Her: OK. Which of these issues is most important to you: [lists some issues]? Or all of the above?
Me: Ooh, I know this one - all of the above.
Her: Do you consider yourself pro-choice or pro-life?
Me: Both.
Her: Thank you very much. Have a nice day.
Me: Bye.
Click.
Me: Hello?
Her: Hello, may I speak to Mr. Lund, please?
Me: Um, this is Mr. Lund.
Her: Hi, I'm calling from [unintelligible], would I be able to ask you a few questions?
Me: Oh, sure.
Her: Do you consider yourself a Republican or a Democrat?
Me: What do you consider yourself?
Her: Excuse me?
Me: Are you Republican or Democrat?
Her: I'm Independent.
Me: Then I'm Independent, too!
Her: OK. Do you support Howard Swenson or Ruth Johnson for State Representative?
Me: Which one is taller?
Her: Um...
Me: I bet Howard is taller. I'm for Howard What'sHisName.
Her: OK. Which of these issues is most important to you: [lists some issues]? Or all of the above?
Me: Ooh, I know this one - all of the above.
Her: Do you consider yourself pro-choice or pro-life?
Me: Both.
Her: Thank you very much. Have a nice day.
Me: Bye.
Click.
Belated TV Review: Joey
Let me sum up the series premier of NBC's new smash-hit comedy Joey in one word: "Disappointing."
No summary is needed because everybody knows who Joey is and why he has his own show. So, why is it disappointing? Because it didn't suck. I was looking forward to watching what was sure to be the most unintentionally funny thing on TV this decade - and instead I found myself actually laughing out loud - twice!
I felt betrayed. How could they do this to me? I was hoping to watch this show, make fun of it, and then debate about whether it will last 3 or 4 episodes. But no, they have to make the show tolerable, and most likely good enough to survive. Maybe even - and I kid you not - thrive in the post-Friends market.
Of course the character of Joey was going to be fine; LeBlanc could probably ace his stuff if he came to the set after a three day cocaine binge. I was expecting horrible supporting characters and a heavy reliance on references to the old friends - but it didn't happen!
Sigh.
It's by no means a great show, but it doesn't suck.
And that pisses me off.
No summary is needed because everybody knows who Joey is and why he has his own show. So, why is it disappointing? Because it didn't suck. I was looking forward to watching what was sure to be the most unintentionally funny thing on TV this decade - and instead I found myself actually laughing out loud - twice!
I felt betrayed. How could they do this to me? I was hoping to watch this show, make fun of it, and then debate about whether it will last 3 or 4 episodes. But no, they have to make the show tolerable, and most likely good enough to survive. Maybe even - and I kid you not - thrive in the post-Friends market.
Of course the character of Joey was going to be fine; LeBlanc could probably ace his stuff if he came to the set after a three day cocaine binge. I was expecting horrible supporting characters and a heavy reliance on references to the old friends - but it didn't happen!
Sigh.
It's by no means a great show, but it doesn't suck.
And that pisses me off.
Friday, September 10, 2004
An evil idea for Mean Mr. Mustard
Partway through the NFL season, send out an email to all CDFFL participants:
It's what I would do.
I regret to inform all of you that CDFFL is on the brink of extinction. Due to [factors beyond my control / the price of tea in China / my complete and utter feeling of apathy towards football], I will be unable to continue my duties as CDFFL commissioner.
CDFFL will die [after Week 9 / in two weeks / today]. Unless...
Unless one of you is willing to accept responsibility for it. I will, of course, provide transition assistance (for a nominal fee) to whomever steps up to the plate. I am not an unreasonable man. So, in order for CDFFL to live, I need a volunteer by [the end of Week 8 / a week from today / 4:00 today].
Thank you so much for your time,
Mean Mr. Mustard
It's what I would do.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
I think I'm funny
This past weekend we went through a McDonald's drive-through to get some ... well, food, I guess. Michelle's grandmother from Devils Lake, North Dakota was sitting next to me in the front seat and offered to pay with her credit card. I asked the flunky in the store, "Do you take out of state credit cards?" He had to go find a manager to ask to make sure that yes, they do take out of state credit cards.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Wednesday, September 8, 2004
"Honey, wake up!"
"Mmmmhh?"
"Honey, it's time to get up for work."
I rub my eyes and look at the clock. Crap, 9:00 already. "Can't I sleep in a little longer?"
"Now dear, you know you have an important meeting at 10:00. Get up, you sleepy head!"
Nag. "Yes, dear."
"Did you have fun last night with the boys from work?"
Not really. "Yeah, I suppose so. But it's kinda weird - I think they don't drink as much as I do. At one point I woke up at the table, and the other guys were all in another room talking. I asked them what was up and they just said it was boring business stuff. Do you think I should worry about it?"
"Oh, you silly - you should be glad that they don't bother you with the boring stuff."
Yeah, I suppose that's right. I get into the bathroom to begin the complicated process of getting myself ready for the day. Hop into the shower. Rinse, lather, repeat. Wait, that's not right... Lather, rinse, repeat. Bam! Nailed it this time!
"Honey! I have time for breakfast right? You know I hate it when I don't get my Pop Tarts!"
"Sorry, dear, this meeting is very important. You should have woken up earlier if you wanted breakfast."
Nag. "All right. But I have time to watch SpongeBob though, right?"
"You know you don't, silly head! Don't worry, I'll Tivo it for you."
Nag. No Pop Tarts, no SpongeBob, but I'm ready to go. Another exciting day before me. Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off...
"Honey, did you forget your cuff links again?"
"Of course I didn't!" Nag. I go and get the cuff links off the table.
Now I'm ready to go. Down the hall, take a right. Bill's looking good today, good old Bill. "Morning Bill, how's everything going?"
"Just fine, just fine. Ready for another day of saving the world, Mr. President?"
"Mmmmhh?"
"Honey, it's time to get up for work."
I rub my eyes and look at the clock. Crap, 9:00 already. "Can't I sleep in a little longer?"
"Now dear, you know you have an important meeting at 10:00. Get up, you sleepy head!"
Nag. "Yes, dear."
"Did you have fun last night with the boys from work?"
Not really. "Yeah, I suppose so. But it's kinda weird - I think they don't drink as much as I do. At one point I woke up at the table, and the other guys were all in another room talking. I asked them what was up and they just said it was boring business stuff. Do you think I should worry about it?"
"Oh, you silly - you should be glad that they don't bother you with the boring stuff."
Yeah, I suppose that's right. I get into the bathroom to begin the complicated process of getting myself ready for the day. Hop into the shower. Rinse, lather, repeat. Wait, that's not right... Lather, rinse, repeat. Bam! Nailed it this time!
"Honey! I have time for breakfast right? You know I hate it when I don't get my Pop Tarts!"
"Sorry, dear, this meeting is very important. You should have woken up earlier if you wanted breakfast."
Nag. "All right. But I have time to watch SpongeBob though, right?"
"You know you don't, silly head! Don't worry, I'll Tivo it for you."
Nag. No Pop Tarts, no SpongeBob, but I'm ready to go. Another exciting day before me. Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off...
"Honey, did you forget your cuff links again?"
"Of course I didn't!" Nag. I go and get the cuff links off the table.
Now I'm ready to go. Down the hall, take a right. Bill's looking good today, good old Bill. "Morning Bill, how's everything going?"
"Just fine, just fine. Ready for another day of saving the world, Mr. President?"
For Mean Mr. Mustard
A Boston Globe article about Bush's Guard service reinforces three of Mean Mr. Mustard's core beliefs:
- The world is an evil, rotten place.
- Life isn't fair.
- Everyone is out to get him.
Such is life, I guess.
Monday, September 06, 2004
I love Labor Day
Labor Day is my favorite holiday. The traditions, the history, the pageantry; it's kind of like Arbor Day, Boxing Day and Bastille Day all wrapped into one great big extravaganza.
We had our traditional Labor Day - feasting, dancing, singing, ritualistic goat slaughter. It was a lovely time.
Well, not for the goat, perhaps.
Friday, September 03, 2004
Movie Review: X2
Last night I saw a miracle of modern movie-making, Marvel Comics' X-Men brought to life again in the brilliant sequel, X2. The cinematography was astounding, the editing gave new meaning to the term "editing", and the characters were fully developed (and I'm not just talking about Mystique!).
This movie is about Jean Luc-Picard and his crew mates, trying to battle the evil General Striker, who is attempting to destroy the Federation. To do this, he enlists the help of Gandalf the Gray, who for some reason wears a vintage 1920's Chicago Bears football helmet.
Then lots of things happen. Wow! What a movie!
I give it a rating of XS35.
This movie is about Jean Luc-Picard and his crew mates, trying to battle the evil General Striker, who is attempting to destroy the Federation. To do this, he enlists the help of Gandalf the Gray, who for some reason wears a vintage 1920's Chicago Bears football helmet.
Then lots of things happen. Wow! What a movie!
I give it a rating of XS35.
Did I mention...
Have I told you about my near death experience climbing Everest? It
was back in my early 20's, when I thought I could do anything. When I
arrived at the base camp, I ran into a Sherpa. He asked if I needed
any help scaling the giant mountain. "Who, me?" Ha! I could do it all
by myself. "All I need from you, good friend," I told the jovial
native, "is to point me in the right direction."
He looked at me and said, "See that big mountain there? That's it. Are
you sure you don't need anything?"
I ignored him and headed off. It had always been a dream of mine to
scale the beast. It was something that I needed to do. In a way, it
was kind of like my own Everest.
Oh wait, it was Everest.
Regardless, I set off. It was a beautiful day, and I was eager to
begin. I left the base camp, shook my fist at the bohemoth, and began
my ascent.
Just as I was beginning, two hikers came up behind me. "Dude," one
began, "why are you wearing shorts and sandals?"
I casually noticed their apparrel. They seemed prepared for cold
weather! I then realized that it was actually kind of chilly.
So I went home.
was back in my early 20's, when I thought I could do anything. When I
arrived at the base camp, I ran into a Sherpa. He asked if I needed
any help scaling the giant mountain. "Who, me?" Ha! I could do it all
by myself. "All I need from you, good friend," I told the jovial
native, "is to point me in the right direction."
He looked at me and said, "See that big mountain there? That's it. Are
you sure you don't need anything?"
I ignored him and headed off. It had always been a dream of mine to
scale the beast. It was something that I needed to do. In a way, it
was kind of like my own Everest.
Oh wait, it was Everest.
Regardless, I set off. It was a beautiful day, and I was eager to
begin. I left the base camp, shook my fist at the bohemoth, and began
my ascent.
Just as I was beginning, two hikers came up behind me. "Dude," one
began, "why are you wearing shorts and sandals?"
I casually noticed their apparrel. They seemed prepared for cold
weather! I then realized that it was actually kind of chilly.
So I went home.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Another Lie
Yesterday was a pretty fun day. As keynote speaker for the Republican National Convention, I read what I was given about how the country is safer with George W. Bush as president, blah, blah, blah. Of course it's all a bunch of bull, but getting a million bucks will make pretty much anyone a Republican stalwart! Go Bush, and all that.
After the convention I got wasted and woke up this morning with a Siamese twin AND a Siamese cat in my bed. Wow, what a night!
After the convention I got wasted and woke up this morning with a Siamese twin AND a Siamese cat in my bed. Wow, what a night!
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