Thursday, October 28, 2004

Another Perspective

In election news, I offer up this quote:

A time of crisis: 2000-2009


The early 21st century was a politically volatile time in American
history. After the contested election of 2000 put George W. Bush into
the White House, the United States faced a monumental crisis with the
terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 (see Chapter 12). President
Bush united the country immediately after the attacks, invading
Afghanistan in an attempt to capture Al Queda leader Osama bin Laden.
He began to draw criticism when he followed that by launching the
ill-fated Second Gulf War, beginning the United States' 12-year
involvement in Iraq, the country which is now part of the United Arab
States.


The 2004 elections were exceedingly bitter and partisan, with Bush
winning re-election after long recount battles in Ohio and Florida.
The support that Bush had built began to erode shortly into his second
term, as the situation in Iraq became more unstable. A democratic
election held in January of 2005 was filled with fraud, intimidation
and bloodshed, and never resulted in any elected officials. In March
of that year a portion of the US-trained Iraqi military, under the
leadership of future UAS leader Machmar al Basrasa, joined with
terrorist leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and secured Fallujah. The
surprise attack of the first Battle of Fallujah resulted in over a
thousand US deaths.


While the United States lost ground in Iraq, the American economy
began to falter at home and abroad. The country fell into a deep
recession in 2006. A potential recovery in early 2007 was halted by
the terrorist attacks on Los Angeles, Chicago and New Orleans on May
1, 2007.


During President Bush's second term he was also given the
opportunity to appoint two Supreme Court Justices. Justices Harold
Resnic and Marjorie Thompson eventually led the Supreme Court to some
landmark decisions, including reversing Roe v. Wade and upholding many
of the articles in the Patriot Act which were believed to infringe
upon the basic rights of American citizens. It took over twenty years
before the Supreme Court reversed those watershed decisions.


President Bush's final year in office was filled with battles with
the Democratic Senate and Congress, and answering questions about his
handling of the situation in Iraq. When he left office, the situation
in Iraq was at its worst, with rebel forces occupying many cities, and
the United States attempting to retain control in central Iraq.

Taken from "An American History, our first 400 years", published March 3, 2178 by Simpson Scholastic.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Cool

Check out what you can do on the internet now:

Friday, October 22, 2004

Now who wants my money?

Apparently I never fully appreciated the honor that I received back in high school. Like most Phi Beta Kappas, I have no idea where the key is right now. Should I have framed it and hung it on my wall?

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

The Adventures of Flatulence Man
Volume 23: The Scorpion Emerges

It was a relatively normal day in Citytown, with the bustling
traffic competing with the sounds of construction on the new Stevens
Tower. In one of the small cafes bordering Scroom Park, Greg Smithson
relaxed, reading the Citytown News and sipping a coffee.

The editorial section was full of discussions revolving around
Flatulence Man.
There were the standard questions - Where did he come from? Where did
he get his amazing powers? Was he really a "good guy"? Who was he? -
and many people offering up their
opinions - He was really in league with Los Tostador. He is the
greatest thing to happen to the city. It's great that crime is down,
but we could do without the stink.

Greg shook his head. If only they knew, he thought, if
only they knew
.

Greg folded up his paper, set down some coins for a tip, and left
the cafe, heading into the big city, hoping that this would be the day
that Flatulence Man wouldn't be needed.

[But his hopes would not come true today...]

Just a few blocks from the cafe that Greg had left, on the opposite
end of Scroom Park, a strange scene was unfolding. In a grassy field
in the park the ground was beginning to lift and heave. The ground
seemed to ripple, sending waves of dirt away from the epicenter,
knocking over those people who happened to be walking nearby.

As people began to run away from the grass field, the undulations
became more intense, yet more localized, until there was a seeming
explosion of grass and dirt, knocking over anyone within a hundred
yards of the blast.

As the flying dirt settled, those in the area noticed that the
ground had stopped its gyrations. However, there was a new concern, as
something started to crawl out of the newly formed crater in the park.

Some people stared in amazement; others ran. On one end of the
field a tall, thin man started running away, yelling, "No! No! Not
again! I am so getting out of this town!"

There were those that stayed, however, out of fear or curiousity.
And they were treated to an impressive site. The ... creature
... which emerged from the crater was easy to identify, even though it
was completely new to everyone there. It had three pairs of
insect-like legs, although as it reached the top edge of the crater it
stood upright on its powerful rearmost legs. The body was covered in a
black chitin, which framed what appeared to be a muscular, human
torso. Two very human arms extended out from its shoulders, protected
by chitin down to just above the elbows.

Suddenly the creature jumped off the top of dirt pile, landing
lightly and running quickly on its six legs. It stopped in front of
one of the bums that made Scroom Park his home.

The bum took a step back, shaking. "What the hell are you?"

"I am the Scorpion," the monster answered, "but I am not from
Hell." Suddenly his tail whipped around and stung the man in the neck,
injecting him with the Scorpion's deadly poison. The Scorpion watched
the man's body quiver momentarily. "Hell didn't want anything to do
with me." He stepped over the man's now still body, and slowly
advanced into the city.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Monday, October 04, 2004

In my pantry...

...I found this. I always wondered why people called me the "King of Soul Food" - now I know.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

A Chili party? No, really, chili?

Ah, the great Chili Puke Your Guts Off, or something like that. It all started off simple enough, just some people in a backyard.

And see, my chili is on the left. That's pretty cool. I'm in a cook-off!

This was my first clue that things were about to go horribly, horribly wrong. Another North Dakotan in the contest? Who actually has the pure, anadulturated gall to announce the fact?!?!?!?

But things seemed to return to normal. Look, a cute kid and a cute kid's mom. Maybe this place isn't so bad after all...

But trouble was certain to start. It all began with Larry attempting to find the mute button. Damn you, Larry!

Now Brad had to try and "fix" his own TV. Of course, he became so transfixed by the Gophers special teams' disaster that he was rendered immobile for half an hour.

See, this picture was taken half an hour later.

When he did finally get off the floor, his mother wanted him to try on some fancy new satin panties. I didn't realize it was going to be that kind of party.

If Scott doesn't post any pictures, it's not because he didn't bring his camera. Ha!

A number of people bolted outside to try and avoid Brad, who was inside modelling his new panties.

I then became fire-obsessed. Larry is fixing the fire!

The fire is bigger!

Dang, the fire is smaller!

More wood for the fire! That'll do it!

Oooh! The fire with a different camera setting!

At some point a winner was announced. This is the awards ceremony, I think.

Eventually I realized that I was sitting across from Satan. It was at that point that I decided to leave. Satan and I have a strict non-compete clause.

Friday, October 01, 2004

What they really said


"You bitch! You told me you were going to wear blue! Now I have to
go home and change!"