Even though he was not tagged, Mean Mr. Mustard memed. And then he tagged me. So, even though Maya Angelou claims that the meme must not be unbroken, it was. I think.
Anyhoo.
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Pizza Delivery Boy
2. Sandwich Maker
3. Factory Worker
4. Kept Man
B) Four movies I would watch over and over
1. "Lord of the Rings" trilogy
2. Shaun of the Dead
3. Batman Begins
4. Anything with Carrot Top
C) Four places I have lived:
1. North St. Peter, MN
2. South St. Peter, MN
3. On the Hill St. Peter, MN
4. Athens, Greece
Four TV Shows that I watch:
1. American Idol (Tuesday)
2. American Idol (Wednesday)
3. American Idol (Thursday)
4. Saturday Night Live
E) Four places I have been:
1. Rome
2. London
3. Madrid
4. Paris
(I liked MMM's list, so I'm keeping it.)
F) People who email me (somewhat frequently):
1. Scooter
2. Ming
3. Larry (though he's slacking lately) (of course, so am I)
4. Tall Brad (ditto)
G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Stir-fry made by Michelle
2. Pasta made by Michelle
3. Eggs made by Michelle
4. Caramel Corn
H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Four feet to the right.
2. Three feet to the left.
3. Ten feet down.
4. New Zealand
I) Things I am looking forward to this year:
1. Mastering Dance Dance Revolution on my WII
2. Being able to go outside
3. Going to Germany and Italy
4. Michelle making me food
OK, that sucked. Anyway, I'll tag Annie, the Big Tree and Wil Wheaton (since we're really tight).
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Good, Clean Fun
Can you guess which person doesn't find this picture hilarious?
(Hint: He only has one hand!)
Friday, November 23, 2007
Three Years Later...
John Kerry finally grows a pair.
Would have been nice to see this side of Kerry when it actually would have mattered.
Would have been nice to see this side of Kerry when it actually would have mattered.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Sometimes I believe that the man was put on this earth only to vex me
I mean, how else could you explain this video? Sorry, Mr. President, you're absolutely correct. I certainly can't think of a single error that has been made. Nope, not one.
Now, I always thought that if there was a Republican president, at the very least we could enjoy some sort of fiscal responsibility. At least, that's how they try and spin it, when, for example, President Bush accuses Congress of going on a "spending spree."
Really? Pots and kettles, maybe? Just look at this graph:
It looks like the only President that has been able to slow the growth of the Federal Debt is that rascally liberal, President Clinton. After Bush took office, it seems like the debt took a good dose of Viagra.
OK, I can handle this. Only 430 more days of being vexed.
Now, I always thought that if there was a Republican president, at the very least we could enjoy some sort of fiscal responsibility. At least, that's how they try and spin it, when, for example, President Bush accuses Congress of going on a "spending spree."
Really? Pots and kettles, maybe? Just look at this graph:
It looks like the only President that has been able to slow the growth of the Federal Debt is that rascally liberal, President Clinton. After Bush took office, it seems like the debt took a good dose of Viagra.
OK, I can handle this. Only 430 more days of being vexed.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
What did we do to deserve this President?
Man, he's annoying.
At a talk before the Heritage Foundation, Bush likened Congress to those who ignored Lenin and Hitler, and warned that they should spend more time listening to terrorists than MoveOn.org.
There are so many ways to go with this.
Bush on Hitler:
When he's talking about people ignoring Hitler, does he mean people like his own grandfather?
Wait, that is a tenuous connection, and doesn't really have anything to do with Bush himself, so maybe we should go a different route: Hitler rose to power by solidifying power in the executive branch, while continually nudging the German constitution out of the way until it became meaningless. Gee, who do we know who acts like that?
Bush on bin Laden:
We should spend more time worrying about bin Laden, huh? So, which video will make your stomach churn more, this one, or this one?
Is there anything that Bush does that doesn't reek of irony?
Addendum: I watched the Kerry/Bush video again, and it made me wonder: How many people who voted in 2004 actually voted for a candidate? How many people were actually energized by the candidate themselves? I would guess that most people who voted were either voting for their party, or against the guy they disliked the most. Please, somebody with more life experience than I have tell me when there was a Presidential election with two less likable candidates.
At a talk before the Heritage Foundation, Bush likened Congress to those who ignored Lenin and Hitler, and warned that they should spend more time listening to terrorists than MoveOn.org.
There are so many ways to go with this.
Bush on Hitler:
In the 1920s, the world ignored the words of Hitler, as he explained his intention to build an Aryan super-state in Germany, take revenge on Europe, and eradicate the Jews — and the world paid a terrible price.
When he's talking about people ignoring Hitler, does he mean people like his own grandfather?
Wait, that is a tenuous connection, and doesn't really have anything to do with Bush himself, so maybe we should go a different route: Hitler rose to power by solidifying power in the executive branch, while continually nudging the German constitution out of the way until it became meaningless. Gee, who do we know who acts like that?
Bush on bin Laden:
When it comes to funding our troops, some in Washington should spend more time responding to the warnings of terrorists like Osama bin Laden and the requests of our commanders on the ground and less time responding to the demands of MoveOn.org bloggers and Code Pink protesters.
We should spend more time worrying about bin Laden, huh? So, which video will make your stomach churn more, this one, or this one?
Is there anything that Bush does that doesn't reek of irony?
Addendum: I watched the Kerry/Bush video again, and it made me wonder: How many people who voted in 2004 actually voted for a candidate? How many people were actually energized by the candidate themselves? I would guess that most people who voted were either voting for their party, or against the guy they disliked the most. Please, somebody with more life experience than I have tell me when there was a Presidential election with two less likable candidates.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Something Horrible
While looking at the search phrases used to find my other blog, I found a curious one: "milena -velba"
So, I wondered, why would somebody want to search on the name "milena", but explicitly not want to find any sites that also have the name "velba"? Could it be that bad?
Well, the answer is frightening. Please don't click on this link.
So, I wondered, why would somebody want to search on the name "milena", but explicitly not want to find any sites that also have the name "velba"? Could it be that bad?
Well, the answer is frightening. Please don't click on this link.
Memeorific!
Mean Mr. Mustard tagged me. That was nice of him.
1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
James McAvoy - nobody has ever milked the old getting-hung-in-the-air-suspended-by-meat-hooks-piercing-your-body gag for more laughs. A rare genius.
2. What were you doing at 0800?
Searching for pictures of James McAvoy being tortured.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Eating French Toast.
4. What happened to you in 2006?
According to my other blog, I had a chair fixed.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Kelson, get back here! I asked for a Killian's, not a Schell's Dark!"
6. How many beverages did you have today?
Milk, coffee, one Killian's Red, one Schell's Dark. Four
7. What color is your hairbrush?
I think it's blue.
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
My last purchase was at Target yesterday. The last thing put in the cart was extra long matches. I'm wild that way.
9. Where were you last night?
At home.
10. What color is your front door?
Wood-colored gray.
11. Where do you keep your change?
Above the refrigerator.
12. What’s the weather like today?
It's creeping towards 50 degrees now, and should top off at 70. Which means that I will be forced to bring the kids outside to play.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Chunky Monkey. Just because.
14. What excites you?
Memes.
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Always.
16. Are you over the age of 25?
Duh.
17. Do you talk a lot?
No.
18. Have you watched any television series, regularly, to which you be ashamed to admit your regular viewership? What was your favorite episode?
CSI:Miami. I loved the episode where Horatio tilted his head, and in a very touching and heartfelt manner told the child/young boy/distraught young woman that "You're safe now."/"Nobody will hurt you again."/"I won't let that happen."
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
When I was a junior in high school, our basketball team was able to have five Steve's on the court at a time. Does that make me cool?
20. Do you make up your own words?
Frequently. For example, I just told Kelson that I was having a "meme-tastic" time.
21. Are you a jealous person?
Why? Should I be? What are you telling me? Is there something I should know? Michelle!!!!
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Arthur. (wait, was it supposed to be a friend of mine?)
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kevin.
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
That's the cell phone thing, right? Probably a wrong number.
25. What does the last text message you received say?
I actually got a text message from my brother with a picture of his newest baby. And I even knew how to look at it, because I'm techno-savvy.
26. Do you chew on your straw?
If I know what you mean?
27. Do you have curly hair?
Pervert.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Grocery store. Whoopee.
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Me. I'm a bastard.
30. What was the last thing you ate?
French Toast. (Or, as I first typed it with my right hand in the wrong place: "Frebcg Tiast")
31. Will you get married in the future?
I sure as hell hope not.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Last King of Scotland. Just last night.
33. Is there anyone you like right now?
As a general rule, I hate people. But there are some exceptions. Just to cover my bases, I'll say this: "I like you."
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Stop. You're killing me.
35. Are you currently depressed?
I'm getting closer.
36. Did you cry today?
OK, now I'm depressed.
37. Why did you answer and post this?
Because I'm depressed.
38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
The only person I know who blogs and visits my blog (and hasn't done this already) is BiggTree, so I'll pointlessly tag him. I'll tag Michelle, too, since she doesn't have a blog but can read her answers out loud to the poodles.
AND, feel free to change out one of these questions for anything else you want to ask and answer.
1. Name one person who made you laugh last night.
James McAvoy - nobody has ever milked the old getting-hung-in-the-air-suspended-by-meat-hooks-piercing-your-body gag for more laughs. A rare genius.
2. What were you doing at 0800?
Searching for pictures of James McAvoy being tortured.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Eating French Toast.
4. What happened to you in 2006?
According to my other blog, I had a chair fixed.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Kelson, get back here! I asked for a Killian's, not a Schell's Dark!"
6. How many beverages did you have today?
Milk, coffee, one Killian's Red, one Schell's Dark. Four
7. What color is your hairbrush?
I think it's blue.
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
My last purchase was at Target yesterday. The last thing put in the cart was extra long matches. I'm wild that way.
9. Where were you last night?
At home.
10. What color is your front door?
Wood-colored gray.
11. Where do you keep your change?
Above the refrigerator.
12. What’s the weather like today?
It's creeping towards 50 degrees now, and should top off at 70. Which means that I will be forced to bring the kids outside to play.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Chunky Monkey. Just because.
14. What excites you?
Memes.
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Always.
16. Are you over the age of 25?
Duh.
17. Do you talk a lot?
No.
18. Have you watched any television series, regularly, to which you be ashamed to admit your regular viewership? What was your favorite episode?
CSI:Miami. I loved the episode where Horatio tilted his head, and in a very touching and heartfelt manner told the child/young boy/distraught young woman that "You're safe now."/"Nobody will hurt you again."/"I won't let that happen."
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
When I was a junior in high school, our basketball team was able to have five Steve's on the court at a time. Does that make me cool?
20. Do you make up your own words?
Frequently. For example, I just told Kelson that I was having a "meme-tastic" time.
21. Are you a jealous person?
Why? Should I be? What are you telling me? Is there something I should know? Michelle!!!!
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Arthur. (wait, was it supposed to be a friend of mine?)
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Kevin.
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
That's the cell phone thing, right? Probably a wrong number.
25. What does the last text message you received say?
I actually got a text message from my brother with a picture of his newest baby. And I even knew how to look at it, because I'm techno-savvy.
26. Do you chew on your straw?
If I know what you mean?
27. Do you have curly hair?
Pervert.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Grocery store. Whoopee.
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Me. I'm a bastard.
30. What was the last thing you ate?
French Toast. (Or, as I first typed it with my right hand in the wrong place: "Frebcg Tiast")
31. Will you get married in the future?
I sure as hell hope not.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Last King of Scotland. Just last night.
33. Is there anyone you like right now?
As a general rule, I hate people. But there are some exceptions. Just to cover my bases, I'll say this: "I like you."
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Stop. You're killing me.
35. Are you currently depressed?
I'm getting closer.
36. Did you cry today?
OK, now I'm depressed.
37. Why did you answer and post this?
Because I'm depressed.
38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
The only person I know who blogs and visits my blog (and hasn't done this already) is BiggTree, so I'll pointlessly tag him. I'll tag Michelle, too, since she doesn't have a blog but can read her answers out loud to the poodles.
AND, feel free to change out one of these questions for anything else you want to ask and answer.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
More People To Kill
In an unsurprising move, President Bush appointed somebody opposed to contraception to head a Health and Human Services post responsible for overseeing the nations contraception programs. The only way to reconcile his senseless opposition to birth control with his indifference to the number of people killed in Iraq is that he is worried that he might run out of people to kill.
Got to keep supply up, ya know!
Got to keep supply up, ya know!
Monday, October 08, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
Worthless Post
I haven't posted anything in a while, so I will just put up this worthless link that you probably don't want to click on.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Fortunate One
We had Chinese tonight. It was yummy. The best part, of course, is the delicious fortune cookies that you get with the meal. I highly recommend W & F Fortune Cookies. My fortune was incredibly poignant:
Eli's was just disturbing:
Mark me down for not wanting to be able!
Art misunderstanding by calm, poise and balance.
Eli's was just disturbing:
Behind an able man, there are always other able men.
Mark me down for not wanting to be able!
Monday, September 03, 2007
Nobel Prize, here I come!
I have just made what will certainly become one of the greatest scientific/theological breakthroughs of our time. And, lucky for you, I am willing to share this.
We humans have, in our noses, a vomeronasal organ (commonly referred to as the Jacobson's Organ). Unfortunately for us, it either does very little or nothing at all. However, in many mammals, it is used to detect pheromones, chemical messengers that carry information between individuals of the same species.
Now, humans were created in God's image. This means that God also has a Jacobson's Organ. And, since God is perfect, this means that His works.
If God is perfect, then nothing that He has would be useless, which means that His Jacobson Organ has to be put to use. And what does He do with it? He detects pheromones from other individuals of the same species.
Ah ha! This tells us, clearly and without any question, that there are other gods! I have proven that we live in a polytheistic universe! All hail God and his ... friends? (Hey, I am only claiming to discover that there are more gods, I'm not the expert on identifying who they are or how they are related to God.)
Anyway, I think this proof is pretty simple, but to dumb it down even more, check this out:
Since I am an honest guy, I should warn you that you should try and buddy up to me now. Once this theory hits the big time and I become a world famous celebrity, I'm going to dump all my old friends and find newer, cooler ones. Sorry, that's just the way I roll.
So, try and poke a hole in this theory if you can. I have thought about it for many minutes, and am certain that it is as solid as any theological argument I've ever seen. All my research is solid, and the conclusion is incontrovertible. I'm positive that you now see the world in a significantly different way then you did ten minutes ago. It might be difficult to adjust to this new world we are in, but follow my lead, be strong, and we'll get through it together.
Well, not together - I'll be getting through it with my newer, cooler friends.
We humans have, in our noses, a vomeronasal organ (commonly referred to as the Jacobson's Organ). Unfortunately for us, it either does very little or nothing at all. However, in many mammals, it is used to detect pheromones, chemical messengers that carry information between individuals of the same species.
Now, humans were created in God's image. This means that God also has a Jacobson's Organ. And, since God is perfect, this means that His works.
If God is perfect, then nothing that He has would be useless, which means that His Jacobson Organ has to be put to use. And what does He do with it? He detects pheromones from other individuals of the same species.
Ah ha! This tells us, clearly and without any question, that there are other gods! I have proven that we live in a polytheistic universe! All hail God and his ... friends? (Hey, I am only claiming to discover that there are more gods, I'm not the expert on identifying who they are or how they are related to God.)
Anyway, I think this proof is pretty simple, but to dumb it down even more, check this out:
- Humans have a Jacobson's Organ.
- Humans were created in God's image, which means that He has a Jacobson's Organ.
- God is perfect, so His Jacobson's Organ functions.
- The Jacobson's Organ detects pheromones from individuals of the same species.
- God is a member of a species which has more individuals.
- There are more Gods.
- QED.
Since I am an honest guy, I should warn you that you should try and buddy up to me now. Once this theory hits the big time and I become a world famous celebrity, I'm going to dump all my old friends and find newer, cooler ones. Sorry, that's just the way I roll.
So, try and poke a hole in this theory if you can. I have thought about it for many minutes, and am certain that it is as solid as any theological argument I've ever seen. All my research is solid, and the conclusion is incontrovertible. I'm positive that you now see the world in a significantly different way then you did ten minutes ago. It might be difficult to adjust to this new world we are in, but follow my lead, be strong, and we'll get through it together.
Well, not together - I'll be getting through it with my newer, cooler friends.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thieves! Crooks! Charlatans!
I hate it when people pilfer my work, as some hack AP photographer named Sherrie Peif has done. Haven't I established conclusively that people looking fondly at deer is my area of expertise? I at least should have been credited.
Life is so unfair.
Life is so unfair.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Eye opening
I sure am glad that CNN.com bumped this column by some doofus named Roland Martin to their front page. It's not written particularly well, has no new ideas, is self-congratulatory, builds straw men, and isn't worth the pixels that display it.
Obviously I have no good reasons for determining what gets put on this crappy blog.
Obviously I have no good reasons for determining what gets put on this crappy blog.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Completely Random Post
For some bizarre reason I had a flashback recently, of a Minnesota Twins player who had a long hitting streak to start his career, and then got hurt and had his season end early. I couldn't remember who it was, but knew it was in the past couple of years. So I went to the only place I ever go to find useless baseball statistics, baseball-reference.com.
After some looking, I found the page for Glenn Williams. Called up in June of 2005, he played thirteen games for the Twins, getting a hit in each one. Then he was hurt, and hasn't returned to the majors yet (he's playing for the Twins AAA club).
If you check out his career game log, you'll see that he is a career .425 hitter, and has a hit in every single major league game he's played. Has any baseball player ever had to fight their way through the minor league system just to get the opportunity to continue a hit streak?
Oh wait, he's Australian. That explains everything.
After some looking, I found the page for Glenn Williams. Called up in June of 2005, he played thirteen games for the Twins, getting a hit in each one. Then he was hurt, and hasn't returned to the majors yet (he's playing for the Twins AAA club).
If you check out his career game log, you'll see that he is a career .425 hitter, and has a hit in every single major league game he's played. Has any baseball player ever had to fight their way through the minor league system just to get the opportunity to continue a hit streak?
Oh wait, he's Australian. That explains everything.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
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