Flash Fiction IV

OK, here's the last of my flash fiction pieces. This one was a bit rushed, since I had to miss the class because of play rehearsals. But I did email it to the prof so it could be included. The assignment this time was to write a confession. I think. Something like that. Anyway, this is what I came up with.

Omnipology

I'm sorry. It's my fault. All of it.

I'll take the blame for the whole thing. You got a complaint? I'm the cause. Poor grades? I could've made you smarter. Acne? That was a bad idea. Mosquitoes? Annoying little bastards. Black Plague? What, I couldn't have killed a few rats? Genocide in Rwanda? Messed that one up.

But do you know what my main mistake was? Free will. Stupidest damn thing I did, handing that out. I tell you, if there was no free will then this world would run as smoothly as a baby's bare butt. Honestly, I can not believe some of the choices that you people make. Did you know that in the United States alone there are 23 people who have partially eaten human bodies in their refrigerators? I know everything and I didn't see that one coming.

What do you expect, though, perfection? People think that just because a guy's omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent (and let me tell you, that's a hell of a lot of “omni's”) that he's not supposed to make any mistakes. Well, you know what? Everybody screws up at some point. It's just that when I do it, it's on a slightly larger scale. You miscalculate your checking account balance, take out too much money, and get a twenty dollar overcharge fee. I miscalculate the tectonic pressure on a transform plate boundary, and suddenly there are 20,000 dead Turkish villagers.

So yeah, it's my fault. But Jesus Christ, why don't you try spending one god damn minute as the all-fucking benevolent ruler of the universe. Let me see how you like it. It's not – and this can't be stressed enough – it is not a walk through a fucking patch of daisies. Have you ever tried coming up with a cohesive set of rules to govern a physical universe? You get one conflicting rule of thermodynamics, and suddenly BOOM! Your universe is toast. Learned that one the hard way.

Here's the deal: I'll take the blame, since it is my fault, but how about you cut me a little bit of slack? Think you can do that? You keep your free will, try and live your life, maybe even be happy once or twice, and I'll take the fall for the big stuff. Hurricanes, bigotry, inequity, the meteor that's heading your way – it's all on me.

So there you have it. I built the world, and it's a damn screwy place, and I'm sorry for that. But you got free will, so you can make of it whatever you want. Now go on and do whatever it is you do, and give me some peace.