America (The Book), Quote of the Day

Lobbyists even help expedite legislation by touting its benefits to members whose votes are needed. In many ways, lobbyists are the cheerleaders of Capitol Hill - sad, soulless, clandestine, unfuckable cheerleaders.

America (The Book), Quote of the Day

The President of the United States is the most powerful, most recognizable, and best person on earth.

America (the Book), Quote of the Day

In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue...

...and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually
discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America
centuries earlier, or that you really can't get credit for discovering
a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed
civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered
America.

Happy Birthday!

To Mean Mr. Mustard! Like he cares.

I blogged:

I know who the murderer is.

Amazingly Important Information

After learning that "Tom Marvolo Riddle" is an anagram for "I am
Lord Voldemort" (!), I decided that I should find what Kevin Thomas
Lund truly means. Here are the options I came up with:

1. Hand not evil skum


2. Dunk slave in moth


3. Moist Klund haven

But was that enough? Did that really give the true meaning of who
and what I am? Undeterred, I visited href="http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html">The Internet
Anagram Server to find more amazing results. The options are, if
not endless, staggering. A collection:

1. A ED THINK VOL MS NU
   
2. A DEVIL HUNTS MONK
   
3. A MINED HUNK VOLTS
   
4. DANK ME TUSH IN VOL
   
5. LAND VOTES I'M HUNK
   
6. MAD SHOVEL INK NUT
   

Yes, I think we've learned a great deal today.

Assistance Needed

I need assistance coming up to the answer to a problem that has
been nagging at me lately: Why do people like me?

As far as I can tell, it's an inescapable fact. People like me.
However, I can't figure out why the hell that would be. Let's review:
I'm not a nice person, I have a complete and utter lack of tact
(remember the "cripple" comment?), I'm an arrogant bastard, I have no
moral code to speak of, I'm lazy and selfish, I don't like people,
and, in general, I'm an asshole.

So why would people like me? I've come up with a few possible answers:

1. My amazing intellect. People are so impressed by how smart I am
   that they overlook my shortcomings.
   
2. My dashing good looks. Beautiful people always get the benefit of the doubt.
   
3. My rapier sharp wit. When I'm being a boorish ass, people just cut
   me slack and assume that it's another example of my incredible sense
   of humor.
   
4. My undefinable quality. Despite everything else, I just have the
   ability to "come off well."
   

So, what do you think the answer is? Help me solve this problem
before I inadvertantly brighten another person's day.

Movie: The 18 minutes of Almost Heroes I saw while doing dishes

6

Book: J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

82

Movie: Spirited Away

72

Movie: The Day After Tomorrow

42

Book: Tom Robbins, Villa Incognito

75

Movie: The Bourne Identity

82

My only hope

Is that I can get this song stuck in your head, too:

Quack, quack, quack, quack... Cock-a-doodle Doo!

Quack, quack, quack, quack... Cock-a-doodle Doo!

Quack, quack, quack... a doodly-doo!

Lakers, Dead or Alive?

So, the Lakers are one month into the Solo Kobe Era, and they are a
respectable 8-6, tied for the 8th playoff spot. So maybe the
predictions of doom and gloom were misplaced.

Or were they...

The list of teams the Lakers have beaten: Denver, Atlanta, New
Orleans, Houston, Clippers, Chicago, Milwaukee and New Orleans. Um,
yuck.

A conspiracy theory buff would almost think that the Lakers were
given a soft early schedule to keep their luster alive as long as
possible. This person would also probably point to the Lakers' href="http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/teams/lal/schedule?v=list&m=04&y=2005">brutal
April schedule to solidify his theory.

Thankfully there are no conspiracy theorists here.

Bump

[bump]

Dear God

While I completely enjoy my current career path, every once in a
while something comes up that makes me feel a bit misplaced.

I brought Kelson to an ECFE class, where the last half hour the
parents leave the children (I think there's an adult in the room with
them) and have some discussion time. Yesterday a kind parent brought
in Krispy Kreme donuts, so life was good.

We were talking about discipline, and a mother next to me said
something like this: "I have this book by Blair, from The Facts of
Life, and she said that if your child says a naughty word, you go
to the bathroom with two glasses. Take one glass and rinse it out in
the sink, and take the other glass and rinse it out with water from
the toilet. Then take the glasses to the kitchen and fill them with
milk. Ask your child, 'Which glass do you want to drink out of?' Tell
them that just like you don't want to drink from a dirty glass, Jesus
doesn't want to hear dirty words, and you need to keep your mouth
clean, by only using good words. This is such a great book; she has
such amazing ideas. That Blair, she's a thinker, she really is."

There were so many things to say right then... most of which would
have gotten me permanantly ostracized from the group. I just continued
to eat my donuts.

Anyway, if you're interested in the book, I found it. Check out href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1561799017/qid=1100277380/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/102-4493827-8370538?v=glance&s=books&n=507846">Lisa
Welchel's Creative Correction for all the amazing
details.

I hate Yasser Arafat

Couldn't the old coot have waited an extra five minutes to die?

So I'm watching the hit new CBS drama, CSI:NY, and they get
to the part of the show where the prime suspect is in custody, and
they begin to piece together the clues they've uncovered (due to their
amazing forensic skills). "OK, we know you were at the shop, and we
know how you got in..."

And then what happens is that we get to find out all the details.
We get to hear how the crime went down. Does the suspect admit to it?
Was he working with someone, and that person started killing people?
Was it supposed to be a fun time that went horribly, horribly
wrong?

Well, last night, we never found out.

In this case, all we got to see was the CBS News "Special Report"
about the life and death of Yasser Arafat. It lasted just long enough
so that we could see the very end of the exciting scenes from next
week's exciting episode of the exciting new drama, CSI:NY.

What the hell did those bastards at CBS think? We couldn't wait
five minutes until the news to hear about Arafat's death? Do they
actually think that he is more important than the culmination of 55
minutes of amazing forensic drama?

If I wasn't so lazy, I'd fire off an angry email to those
money-grubbing ho's. (That's probably not the proper insult to use,
but I heard it on the radio this morning and wanted to work it
in.)

Mix and Match

19. Liza Minnelli Accused of Sexual Harassment
Reuters - Wed Nov 10, 8:23 PM ET

I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for this...

Please, please DON'T SMOKE inside this building!