Another reason Scooter won't move to St. Peter

Apparently more
loonies have escaped. It's all good, though, because - according
to Yahoo! - my house is 0.4 miles away from the treatment center. No
worries, then. And it makes me feel safe when the helicopters buzz
right over my house. The kids like to watch the helicopters. "Why are
there helicopters flying over our house, daddy?" "Um, they're looking
for leprechauns!"

A Quote

From Terry Pratchett's Moving Pictures:

... Victer Tugelbend was also the laziest person in the
history of the world. Not simply, ordinarily lazy. Ordinary laziness
was merely the absence of effort. Victor had passed through there a
long time ago, had gone straight through common place idleness and out
on the far side. He put more effort into avoiding work than most
people put into hard labor.

Wiggle While you Work

[Note: I recently hacked into the computer system of the E! Entertainment Network, and downloaded a portion of a transcript. It is from an upcoming show of theirs, "The E! True Hollywood Story: The Wiggles." Unfortunately I only got a small bit of it. Here's what I got:]

...

Narrator: They returned to Australia as conquering heroes, their American tour a success beyond imagination. The Wiggles were on top of the world, with CD's selling millions of copies worldwide and their TV show being broadcast in 25 countries, dubbed into 11 languages. Everything seemed to be going The Wiggles way.

[dramatic pause]

Narrator: However, old demons would soon return to create a rift in The Wiggles harmony. Could this be the end of the foursome?

[commercial break]

Narrator: At the beginning of 2002, the Wiggles were the most successful children's performers in the world. Everything they touched was a success – CD's, videos, merchandise. Those close to the group, however, saw a different picture. The unity of the group was fracturing, and one of the Wiggles was going to face the toughest test of his life.

Maury Steinberg (Jeff's agent): I think Jeff got a little disillusioned. He had always wanted to be a famous singer, but I think he hoped that the girls screaming for him would have been a bit ... older. Not that he didn't get some action. Of course, he told me that if he bagged one more mom with stretch marks and saggy - er, you know - he'd probably kill himself.

Narrator: Jeff had a reputation among the crew of The Wiggles show as someone to avoid. They considered him moody, and tried to avoid his darker side.

James Smythe (producer): Jeff had a definite edge to him off the set. It was what made him the best actor of the group. On stage he was likeable and silly, but off stage he was a beast. All of us who worked on the show stayed out of his way. Greg and Anthony really were as nice as their Wiggles personality, and Murray ... well, Murray was always a bit different, but he never caused any problems for the crew. Jeff ... did some things.

“Dave” (crew member) [face blurred]: There was a new cameraman one time who played a practical joke on Jeff. Stupid, stupid thing to do, but the guy didn't know any better. You could tell Jeff was pissed, even though he didn't say anything. He just stared at the guy. Mike, I think. He called in sick the next few days, and it turned out he was nursing a knife wound. Seemed like more than just a coincidence, but nothing came of it. He quit before he came back to work.

Narrator: Jeff had a history of trouble, and it was about to get much worse.

Bob Smithson (friend): Jeff had been clean for about six years at this point, but I think everything was getting to him. I came over to his place one night and he was in pretty bad shape. I asked him what was wrong. I guess that was a mistake. He told me that if I didn't “stay the **** away from him” it would be the end of me. Now, I know that Jeff doesn't look like the toughest guy when he's got his purple shirt on, but you didn't want to mess with him. He still had a couple of friends from his days running with the Duece gang in Sydney. Greg and Anthony made it clear that those guys could never be anywhere near anything involving the Wiggles, but they would camp out at Jeff's flat for months at a time. There were always rumors about them cleaning up some of Jeff's messes. There was this girl once... Nevermind, let's cut that. I don't want to talk about that.

Narrator: The Wiggles had a three week break after returning from their American tour, and before starting filming on the new season of The Wiggles TV show. During that time Greg and Anthony took their families on a vacation to a resort in India. Murray returned to the privacy of his Gore Hill estates. Jeff, however, returned to his roots, spending much of his time with old friends from the Duece gang and allegedly resuming his heroin habit.

Narrator: Conflicts within the group came to a head in April of 2002, when the group came together at the studio for filming. On the first day of the shoot, Jeff came to the studio two hours late and in a very agitated state. E! has acquired exclusive footage of a confrontation between Jeff and Greg shortly after Jeff arrived on set.

Greg: Damn it, Jeff! Pull yourself together. We're supposed to be filming here and you can't even walk straight? What the hell have you been doing?

Jeff: **** you, Greg! You and Anthony can keep that queer bastard Murray in line, but I'm sick of it. [muttering] I'm going to go take a nap. Isn't that what I do best anyway? “Wake up, you ****bag, Jeff!” I'm out of here. I see that the kids are here. I hope Anthony is in charge of watching Murray today.

Greg: What? Oh, bugger, I've got to go. Listen, just go to your dressing room and relax. We'll talk about this later.

Narrator: But Jeff didn't go to his dressing room. Police reports indicate that less than an hour later he was arrested for propositioning an undercover police agent.

...

Did I mention that I moved away from Fargo?

Not a moment too soon.

Mix and Match (it's been a while)

6. Remains May Be of Oldest Walking Hominid

AP - Mon Mar 7, 8:04 AM ET

A team of U.S. and Ethiopian scientists has discovered the fossilized remains of what they believe is humankind's first walking ancestor, a hominid that lived in the wooded grasslands of the Horn of Africa nearly 4 million years ago.

Full Coverage Sent: 320 times

Who am I?

I heard someone attempt to describe themselves and thought that it would be a worthwhile exercise. So here is how I would describe myself:

Take all of the greatest people in the world, living or dead - the smartest, kindest, best looking, most ingenious people - and combine them together. I'm talking about people like Mother Theresa, Leonardo da Vinci, the three Alberts (Schweitzer, Einstein and Fat), John F. Kennedy, Jesus Christ. Mix all of them together, and then remove the few character flaws and imperfections that each of them had.

Next, take those character flaws and distill them for a thousand years, allowing only the most evil, the most cold-hearted, the most disgusting, and the most vile traits to remain. And truly these traits will be spectacular, for every person has the ability to be evil to the same degree that they are good. Then take the remaining mix and bake it in the fiery furnaces of Hell for another thousand years. Remove it when it is human shaped, pink skinned, and bounces back when pressed lightly.

That's me, I think.

Oh, make sure to keep all the reserved people bits from the first step. If used properly they can be the ingredients to make a Peter Jackson.