Fortunate One

We had Chinese tonight. It was yummy. The best part, of course, is the delicious fortune cookies that you get with the meal. I highly recommend W & F Fortune Cookies. My fortune was incredibly poignant:

Art misunderstanding by calm, poise and balance.

Eli's was just disturbing:

Behind an able man, there are always other able men.

Mark me down for not wanting to be able!

Nobel Prize, here I come!

I have just made what will certainly become one of the greatest scientific/theological breakthroughs of our time. And, lucky for you, I am willing to share this.

We humans have, in our noses, a vomeronasal organ (commonly referred to as the Jacobson's Organ). Unfortunately for us, it either does very little or nothing at all. However, in many mammals, it is used to detect pheromones, chemical messengers that carry information between individuals of the same species.

Now, humans were created in God's image. This means that God also has a Jacobson's Organ. And, since God is perfect, this means that His works.

If God is perfect, then nothing that He has would be useless, which means that His Jacobson Organ has to be put to use. And what does He do with it? He detects pheromones from other individuals of the same species.

Ah ha! This tells us, clearly and without any question, that there are other gods! I have proven that we live in a polytheistic universe! All hail God and his ... friends? (Hey, I am only claiming to discover that there are more gods, I'm not the expert on identifying who they are or how they are related to God.)

Anyway, I think this proof is pretty simple, but to dumb it down even more, check this out:

1. Humans have a Jacobson's Organ.
2. Humans were created in God's image, which means that He has a Jacobson's Organ.
3. God is perfect, so His Jacobson's Organ functions.
4. The Jacobson's Organ detects pheromones from individuals of the same species.
5. God is a member of a species which has more individuals.
6. There are more Gods.
7. QED.

I don't know if they offer a Nobel Prize in Theology, but I should get one. (Plus, I went to the best Swedish immigrant founded college in the world, so I should get points for that!)

Since I am an honest guy, I should warn you that you should try and buddy up to me now. Once this theory hits the big time and I become a world famous celebrity, I'm going to dump all my old friends and find newer, cooler ones. Sorry, that's just the way I roll.

So, try and poke a hole in this theory if you can. I have thought about it for many minutes, and am certain that it is as solid as any theological argument I've ever seen. All my research is solid, and the conclusion is incontrovertible. I'm positive that you now see the world in a significantly different way then you did ten minutes ago. It might be difficult to adjust to this new world we are in, but follow my lead, be strong, and we'll get through it together.

Well, not together - I'll be getting through it with my newer, cooler friends.